lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize