I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I stole a fireplace last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
