Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
