is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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