I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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