Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
