He asked to "fluff my boner.."
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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