Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
