"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
