I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
