I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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