you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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