Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
