my shit smells like andre
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
