I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Shame - the story of my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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