The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
