they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
