I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
