weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
