How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
