Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
