sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
