the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize