hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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