I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
