What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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