Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
