I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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