Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
