if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
