I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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