So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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