It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
