I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
