I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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