you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
