Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
