hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
