he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
