I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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