I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
