I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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