Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
