I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
