I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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