In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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