The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you made out with another girl for some wings
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
