she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
