Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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