dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
