Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
