just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The beers last night were like the tears from god
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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