how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize