I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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