Sponge bath it is.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
