You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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