Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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