So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
