He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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