dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
