i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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