I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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