I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
