I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
pray to the hookup gods
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
