So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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