I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
