I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
